Tuesday, August 14, 2007

we have this strange little relationship; they hate me; I love them

OK people. File in, and settle down. You, in the Herbie Husker headgear--haven't you had enough? A full inbox today, and we're more than two months from the sweet smell of fall. Let the e-mail assaults begin.

First up is Ken Bagley in Philadelphia:

When are you going to get off your butt and take Joe Paterno to task? Take a stand or keep shining his shoes.

A gut check, right out of the box. Congrats, Bags. I'll forward the Penn State hate mail your way. JoePa's recent revelation that the Lions have to improve or he'll step aside leaves one huge question: How many wins keep those flood pants on the sideline? I'm guessing seven--because it shows improvement and gives hope for a team that has some decent young skill players.

And if PSU stumbles to another sub-.500 season? Kirk Ferentz will get another fat raise from Iowa after declining overtures, and Tom O'Brien will skyrocket to the top of the list after Boston College's successful inaugural season in the ACC.

Next up, we have Gary "Big Tex" Session from Denton, Texas. Folks, I don't make up this stuff.

I've got a deal for you, Hayes: You stop slamming Texas and I won't have to come find your Mickey Mouse hide in that plastic city you live in.

I've got a song for you, Little As. It goes something like this: Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner! Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner!

P.S. Who's your daddy?

I think I really pissed him off now. Thank God I'm tight with the Orlando fuzz.
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Now let's introduce the lovely Gail Mosher from Greensboro, N.C.:

It's the summer, and that must mean it's about time for you to start taking cheap shots at Virginia Tech.

Yeah, I was the meathead who last year said the Hokies had reached the ceiling under coach Frank Beamer. Now I'm the guy saying that if ubertalented quarterback Marcus Vick plays to his potential--and if he steers clear of ganja and girls--the Hokies will be in the Rose Bowl national title game. Put that in your Gobbler and chew it. Just don't smoke it, Marcus.

Wait, you don't really want a piece of me, do you, Herbie? OK, here's 16-year-old Jason Gilbert of Omaha, Neb., who e-mails, oh, every four days during the season and slows to a crawl of every two weeks in the offseason:

How could you guys pick Nebraska fifth in the Big 12 North? That's a slap in the face. These guys are tough. A whole helluva lot tougher than you.

I must admit I saw one brief moment of bravado last season: When Darren DeLone accidentally (wink, wink) knocked over an OU Ruf/Nek in pregame warmups. Darren, babe, I know you were acquitted of the charges. But between you and me, the less I hear those popguns, the more regularly my heart beats.

Before we close shop, let's go to James Orr in Alabama:

It is a total insult that you guys have Tommy Tuberville placed so low (seventh) on your ranking of SEC coaches. He was named national coach of the year by at least five services/publications last year.

And national martyr of the year after Oz Lowder tried to kneecap him before last season. You've got to bring it a little stronger than that, Jimmy.

That goes for the rest of you, too.

Cravin' more of Matt Hayes? Check out Sportingnews.com/cfootball.

INSIDE DISH

The most dangerous non-BCS team? Boise State. A revealing anecdote: Wyoming tried to get out of its 2005 opener at Florida a while back, and the 6ators asked for a replacement. The two teams Wyo found: Boise State and UAB. The Gators already had played UAB in the 2002 opener and didn't want to have the Blazers back so soon. And Boise State? Well, there's a reason Wyoming is fulfilling the contract. * We're beginning to see a trend: Everyone wants a speedy, Reggie Bush-type player. Last year, Ohio State WR Ted Ginn was the nation's most dynamic recruit. This February, WR Derrick Williams was the consensus No. 1 recruit in the nation and signed with Penn State. This fall, WR Percy Harvin of Virginia Beach is considered the nation's No. 1 recruit. He has been clocked at 10.43 in the 100 meters and recently won five titles at the Virginia state meet (long and triple jumps, 100 and 200 meters, second leg of the 400-meter relay). The early leader in recruiting him: Florida State. * Remember when Steve Spurrier signed the unthinkable $2 million per year contract in the late 1990s? Well, there now are 16 Division I-A coaches who earn at least $2 million per year. The latest: Texas A&M coach Dennis Franchione, who received a $300,000 per year bump six months after the Aggies finished 7-5 and lost 38-7 to Tennessee in the Cotton Bowl. * UNLV is on the verge of picking up two significant transfers from Southern California: RB Chauncey Washington and QB Rocky Hinds. Washington will miss his second consecutive season this fall because of academic shortcomings, and Hinds is unhappy with his No. 3 spot on the depth chart behind Matt Leinart and John David Booty.